There's a conversation Caleb and I had that I replay over and over in my head. We'd had one of our numerous "should we/shouldn't we have another kid" discussions and almost in passing he said, "It's not like there's some kid that's just waiting on us to be born."
In that moment, right or wrong, I absolutely believed that there was.
Not long afterwards, just out of the shower, I remember pausing in my closet and urgently needing to have a conversation with said baby.
Things are good, I told him. (I said him because I felt like I was addressing the son I wondered if I was fated to parent.)
I like my life. I like this threesome. Things are good. Why invite change?
So if you are going to show up, I told him, it needs to be soon. Really soon before I lose my courage and close this door forever.
I got pregnant that night.
And 10 months later, he's finally here and so, so worth it.
Declan Grey Sweazy, meet the world.
photo by Nana