Thursday, March 29, 2012
I remember shortly before Harlow turned 4, I gave her a hug and held her tight, trying to memorize the tiny details of who she was in that moment: The still slightly rounded baby cheeks, the curly hair that was steadily working its way past her shoulders, the Bryce obsession. I wanted to soak her in, knowing that the coming year was going to bring so many changes.
And then I'm sure the baby in my belly gave a huge roundhouse to the bladder or I sat down to ease off my sciatica and the moment was gone. The sibling arrived, we were off to the races, and *blink* here we are a year later.
I was so afraid 2012 would just be a hazy blur of sleep deprivation and breastfeeding and diapers and oh yeah, there's this other kid I'm supposed to parent, and... yes. 2012 has played out almost exactly like that. But there's been so many moments of quiet grace. Or really, motherf**king LOUD grace, because there is nothing quiet about 2 children strapped into the backseat of the car for 7 hours singing a duet that ends in AHHHHHHEEEEEEEE!!! I say grace because Harlow loves her brother with such a purity that it just awes me. So often someone will observe her spontaneous songs to him, her smothering him with kisses and hugs, and they'll comment to the like of "just wait a few years when they hate each other." That was often me making the same comment. But I think sometimes it was to downplay what I was seeing. Isn't it our snarky, critical nature to bat away naked, pure sentiment before it gets too close to our ooey gooey center?
This coming from the person who sobbed this morning watching a video of a giraffe giving birth.
Harlow told her Nana about a dream she had about Declan, that she was frustrated that he didn't look quite the way she remembered because "he's too cute" and her love for him was too strong. Maybe she will hate him when she's a teenager, but right now she is his biggest fan, and I think that's quite remarkable.
What is also remarkable is that it is well past midnight and I still have to pack because yes, mama is leaving on baby girl's birthday. I will write more when I can do so on something slightly less eye stabby-ing than a phone, because this blogging from a handheld is for the birds. And people with tiny fingers. When I get back, there will be more about my beautiful, amazing five year old girl...written on a nearly six year old, newly updated laptop.
So until then, happy birthday my sunny, glorious, amazing human sparkler. The world is simply a better place with you in it.