18 Months or The (Baby) Psychopath Test

Thursday, October 25, 2012

*There used to be an adorable photo of D right here. Until I googled "baby psychopath" and my son's photo was the third search result. Mom of the year, folks.

A helpful test for those of you who may be trying to find answers. Or help. Or have an 18 month old.


1. When your parent(s) greet you in the morning and lay you down gently on your changing table, you:

A) Give them a playful smile

B) Give them a playful smile before punching him/her in the mouth while simultaneously trying to kick the hand sanitizer with your (club)foot

C) Coo

2. It's breakfast time. You:

A) Beckon, point, sign or state that would you like food.

B)Grab the refrigerator handles and scream that you are unable to open them. Scream at your parents for opening the door. Scream at the unfairness of not being tall enough to reach the milk. Scream that the milk has not been placed into a cup and into your hand .08 seconds after you demanded. And scream.

C) Coo

3. Lights out. It's bedtime. You:

A) Go to sleep.

B) Cry a bit, but go to sleep.

C) Go to sleep. Then wake back up and laugh manically at the ceiling for two hours straight, causing your parents to lurk outside with their phones trying to record audio. You stop laughing every time they press play. They regroup, looking through the baby monitor, partially convinced there's a dead relative making you giggle. Really, you can't stop laughing because you freak their shit OUT.

4)You hit your sister/mother/glass cabinet/dog/refrigerator/front door again, and when picked up and scolded, you:

A) Cry and apologize. Even though she deserved it.

B)Headbutt whoever was stupid enough to pick you up. I mean, did they not just see you hit a CABINET out of frustration with your limited vocabulary? You live with cretins.

C) Coo

5) Your parents google "baby psychopath" and finding nothing, write a quiz based on your actual interactions. You are:

A) Horrified. Will give extra kisses at story time to be a better baby.

B) Flattered. Your plan is working. In Spades. You might actually be the youngest candidate for boarding school in history, and you've got your eye on Switzerland.

C) Coo

* I kid because I love, baby. You're not all cray cray.


Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Was this kiddo not born to star in a shampoo ad?


I love NYC and my daughter that much more

Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Harlow lives to give surprise gifts, so for my seventh wedding anniversary she cooked up something special. She knows I love to travel, so for my present, she gave me and Caleb a trip to NYC.


Here's our plane taking us to the city.


Oh look! The Statue of Liberty!


Of course our first stop is the public library.


We pop into a bakery for some yummy goodness.


We gaze up at the Chrysler Building.


We finish out our trip at the Central Park Zoo.


I've been to New York several times, but never, ever has my trip been so fabulous.

Best. Anniversary trip. Ever.

I have an amazing daughter.

Seven Years

Monday, October 15, 2012

How we met, in our own words, when we were cheesy enough to do these kinds of things. Happy seven years, baby.

Law and Order

Thursday, October 11, 2012


We were stopped at a light, and I could hear Harlow trying to sound out a word. "What's that say?" she asked, pointing to a sign near the car.

"NO SOLICITING ON MEDIAN" I told her, hoping she might get interested in the billboards out her window instead.

"What does that mean?"

I explained that the homeless people that she sometimes sees on the side of the road aren't allowed to stand there to ask for money.

"What about places that don't have a sign?"

I suppose that's fine, I told her. If the place has sign, the police can arrive and give that person a ticket.

She thought for a minute.

"That makes me really mad," she said. "If I see the police, I'm gonna kick em."

I am anti civil disobedience, and my daughter gets her strong rule following streak from her rules-fetishizing mother. (You just try and cheat at Scrabble with me. TRY IT.)

But her heart is a beautiful thing.


Sunday, October 7, 2012