John's Farm: The World Premiere

Friday, September 13, 2013

LA Shorts

So that happened.

Look how happy I am.

I think I might need to print this photo out and stick it on my fridge, because that moment, right there? That's what I've been wishing for most of my adult life.

The moment before and after?

It was more like this: where is X? X said they were coming. Why isn't X here? Hold up. I'm first? My movie is first? Is that good? Did they save the best for last? Oh fun, I get to compare myself to every other movie after. Oh god, people are laughing at that part of the film? Why are they laughing? This is not a comedy! Why did I write that line? It's a terrible line! I'm a terrible writer! Oh my god they laughed again! This is horrible. They hate my movie. Shit, now I have to pee and I have to go stand in front of all these people and not pee. I've had 2 children naturally. They know I'm physically incapable of holding it for too much longer, right? I don't see X. Oh yay there is A and B and C but where is X?? Oh here is my question from the moderator. I filmed it in Memphis. Yes, I'm a parent. And sure I'll hand the mic over. Am I going to have another turn to talk? Is that PEE RUNNING DOWN MY LEG? NO? No, not my pee. It's my spirit animal pissing on my leg out of sheer frustration. And... goodnight!

There was a nutty boss I worked for who would take me shopping on our lunch break and then yell at me for not washing her dishes and who firmly believed that the bad energy of her former assistant was haunting the desk corner of my office. But she did have some helpful advice for me once: this is not a sprint, baby. It's a marathon. Now go hand deliver these peanut m&ms to the producer across the lot because he'll think its funny and I don't care that the golf cart is broken.

The sprint thing. It's been really helpful.

If I'm to survive the business I've claimed I wanted to be since I could unlock my diary to write about it, I've got to get a grip and pace myself. And take a Xanax. And definitely pee before hand.


  1. So so proud of you! This is HUGE and you look so happy! Get that photo on the fridge, seriously!